I woke up this morning determined to get some more exercise in today. We did kayak yesterday, which was good and I wanted to hike today. However Roy needed to take his mom to see her sister, and I have a dinner date tonight, so I decided to go ahead and get a run in. I wasn’t feeling great, so I medicated to eat breakfast. To explain, with this current situation I often have no appetite which means I will go without eating all day. Yesterday I ate breakfast, lunch and that was it. Before bed I felt like I should eat something, tried 1/3 of a banana but after one bite felt like throwing up. So this morning I woke up with no energy, feeling nauseated. I decided I was having nothing of this, so I took one hit of White Rhino. Within 15 minutes I was hungry so I had my one cup of cheerios, cheated with half a ripe peach (it came in our CSA box, which I should cancel now because I can’t eat most of it) and I didn’t want to just throw it away, and coffee with coconut milk creamer. I felt much better so saddled Flik up for a run.
I decided that since it was mid-morning I would head out for a run on the new Ebey Waterfront Trail. I haven’t been out there alone since we rehomed Pogie. One of the reasons we took her in was because I needed a larger dog for safety. Even though Flik will protect me, the truth is he is not intimidating. He will bite someone coming for me, but a swift kick could really hurt him. A larger dog makes someone think twice.
So I head down and I’m relieved to see that there is trail work being done in the area where there are usually indigent people sleeping, using drugs and alcohol, and sometimes doing other things. Yay! That makes me feel safer. As I’m running I see another runner ahead of me with a dog off leash. It’s a big dog, but my hope is that he’s going to stay far enough ahead of me that he’ll turn and see me with enough time to recall his dog (hoping he has good recall) and leash him.
I notice, though, that the gap is closing and he’s not wearing running gear. Then he pulls off the trail and I hope to just run past him, as I run past, I notice he’s urinating and then the dog comes running at us. I’m trying to keep Flik from attacking the dog, who really does seem friendly enough and just wants to say hi (but Flik is not always dog friendly and I don’t want him to get hurt). That’s when I realize this isn’t a runner, or someone out for a walk, but an older man who is obviously also indigent.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am not automatically afraid of indigent people. In fact, I have a big heart for them. He did not act in any way like he wanted to hurt me. He was startled (probably because he was holding his dick) and he apologized and told me he was jogging. I acted pretty tough (I felt) and was nice and just told him my dog was not friendly, and it was fine.
But it wasn’t. It scared me. It made me realize that as a woman runner, I am not safe running alone out there. I love that trail and because I am a woman and even though I can run, even though I lift weights, if a man wanted to hurt me Flik wouldn’t be able to do much. I tried to run off to put as much distance between us and that man as I could and push my fear away, but my insides turned to liquid, of course my digestive issues came up and I started cramping, feeling nauseaous, and finally had to stop and walk. I kind of walked/jogged for fear of him catching up to me, but I was so afraid I’d -well- mess myself because of how my insides felt. I realized that if he was a bad man, I had run myself to a dead end.
Blessedly about ten minutes later a police officer on a bike came by. I saw him and just started saying “Thank you Jesus. Thank you! Thank you!” Under my breath. Then you know how sometimes when a crisis is over and you held it together and suddenly you’re not holding it any more? Tears sprung to my eyes and I had an asthma attack. I get exercise induced asthma VERY rarely (like maybe once a year) and FUN here it came! So I stopped to walk and regulate my breathing. The officer rode down to the end of the trail and I am thinking, “Do I flag him down? Do I not? Am I overreacting?” It calmed enough that I was able to continue by the time he got back, but I did sit for 20 minutes to calm everything before I ran again. I knew Flik would tell me if anyone was coming and hell, I could jump into the slough if someone came, or over the barrier and run into the neighborhood through water (tide was out) carrying him if I had to.
God dammit it just isn’t fair that women have to worry about going places because we have a few men in this society that can’t control themselves around women. I miss Pogie and the protection and camaraderie I shared with her. I miss feeling safe. I feel like now I can’t run down there alone and while I love to run with friends, I also sometimes need to be in my own headspace. I used to run trials alone with Wiley and because he looked like a red German shepherd, no one bothered me. We were so in sync. I could take him out on a summer morning, or weekend, or break and we’d go run for hours. Roy never worried because he know I had Wiles with me to protect me. Now I just feel like a weak, sitting duck. Being so weak right now doesn’t help either. I’m down to 116 this morning, which most people would think is “yay” but that’s actually 3 pounds since Friday. Not yay.
On the good front, I actually felt really good on the run, and my symptoms left me until the last mile. I did have some butt clenching time on the way back but oh well. I feel like I’ll get that in control. I’m still feeling sad, but glad I got the run in. Flik was too! He’s such a good boy and I love running with him. Too bad he isn’t like 50 pounds heavier!
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 29, 2017
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Happy 2015!!!
Another year!! Yay! I am coming up on my third anniversary of my brain hemorrhage and I feel like I'm still learning SO much about the brain, about traumatic brain injury, about my relationship with my brain (let's just say "it's complicated"), and about my recovery.
First of all the good things. I am back to full bore running most days a week, which is awesome. I ran three marathons over Christmas Break. I did have six planned, however I tweaked my knee in the double over the 27th and 28th and decided it would make sense to not injure myself MORE so I bailed on the last three. Not that I didn't run. I did run 14 with a friend instead of 26 one of the days. I also ran at least 5 or 6 the other two days. I have the WDW Dopey Challenge coming up this weekend and I wanted to not be benched for it.
I am truly thankful for the running because it is what makes me, me! Sometimes I don't feel like going out; my head hurts just enough to make me want to curl up with one of six dogs (or two of six or even all six) but I make myself go out anyhow and I'm always glad. There are still way too many days when I just can't go and I don't like that, but at least there are more on days than off.
I think I'm maintaining my intelligence, which is also a good thing. Except on really REALLY bad days I seem to be capable of rational thought and critical thinking, even at the same time. Sure, on bad days I drool into my cereal bowl and grunt like Neanderthal Man after a bender, but those days are only once or twice a month.
My strength is back to where I was before and now I'm going to get even strongerer! Huzzah! I haven't missed teaching a bootcamp class in awhile (although we're on hiatus right now). I find that most of the time I can get out and get relief, even when the head is bad going in. That has helped me to firm up, and feel better about myself.
Unfortunately it's not all good news. I don't think I've seen any improvement this last year at all. I'm beginning to worry that this is it. This is life. I get to carry around a humming head full of pain forever. My tinnitus has grown worse, although I find that if I ignore it it doesn't bother me that much. It sounds, though, like a loud frequency hum from an old, failing TV set (currently) living in my right ear. It moves. Sometimes the TV set lives in my right ear, sometimes in my left. Blessedly there is only one set, so so far, not in both ears.
I got a new app that allows me to do a diary of my headache and it tracks the weather. I can see a direct correlation with changing barometric pressure and pain. It tends to hurt more when it drops and the bigger the drop, the bigger the hurt.
I have tried a few things out of open mindedness and desperation. I've tried a Cefaly Device.
This hot little number sent electrical impulses into the trigeminal nerve and disrupt the pain signals. I wore it for an hour every day and it was painful (and according to this picture, sucking the life out of me because I look old here). While it was a highly attractive accessory piece, it did not work. Sad. I sent it back and am waiting for my $300 or so back.
I'm currently trying acupuncture and it's, so far, not working beyond when I'm on the table. Wait, I take that back. Last night I had some relief for the entire night. Today I'm in a lot of pain again (whoopee) but that was nice! It does give me a little hope. I am not anti-acupuncture because it helped my neck and I really like Joe, the doctor but so far I don't know if it's helping as much as I hoped it would.
Let's face it, I want 100%, permanent relief.
I'm also trying chronic in a good way. I haven't found anything that seems to work for much other than making me say "Oh yeah. I have pain, but it's over there." In other word, it kind of diverts my attention from the pain to some extent. I use it only when it's really bad. A friend brought me some pills from a coop in West Seattle that I haven't been to, and they seem to help more than anything else, but they do make me super tired. Nothing, so far, I can use on a daily basis.
So there we are. State of the Noggin. It's still there. I am still in pain 24/7 most of the time except when I run and sometimes I get relief. Yay. Then the relief fades, boo.
What are my goals and plans for 2015? Well...I can't keep going on the way I'm going. We talked about me going on disability but I decided I'm not ready for that. I think next school year I will see if I can change my schedule and teach half time. I can't teach full time any more. It's just way too hard to do this with the constant pain. I need more rest, more consistent exercise (which is prescribed for the pain and I never do if it makes it worse), and the ability to stop and lie down when I get dizzy. I hate that I have to do that, but I have to do that. Dammit I hate that I even have to write that. It makes me feel feeble and weak and angry that I am feeble and week. I blacked out today, though, and fell at work. Fortunately it was in my office, into a chair, and it was momentary. I sat there and looked like I was thinking until I was able to get up. FUCK FUCK FUCK I hate that!
But maybe if I'm not doing so much with my brain it can heal. Or maybe it won't, but maybe at least I can have some time every day to do things for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying "I want time to play every day so I don't want to have to work." I mean, yeah that would be cool. But every day I come home and just want to go straight to bed and I don't want that any more. I still do bootcamp at night two nights a week but I have to take a nap most afternoons. I HAVE TO TAKE A NAP! Then when I go it's a struggle to get there and usually I go home and pass out and don't move the rest of the night.
I feel like I'm rationalizing, and I am. I've always worked 50-60 hours a week and now I want to work only 20-40 and I feel guilty. I won't bring in as much money, I will be home and probably won't do as much as home as I feel I should. I just don't know what the right answer is.
Sometimes it's just so overwhelming.
First of all the good things. I am back to full bore running most days a week, which is awesome. I ran three marathons over Christmas Break. I did have six planned, however I tweaked my knee in the double over the 27th and 28th and decided it would make sense to not injure myself MORE so I bailed on the last three. Not that I didn't run. I did run 14 with a friend instead of 26 one of the days. I also ran at least 5 or 6 the other two days. I have the WDW Dopey Challenge coming up this weekend and I wanted to not be benched for it.
I am truly thankful for the running because it is what makes me, me! Sometimes I don't feel like going out; my head hurts just enough to make me want to curl up with one of six dogs (or two of six or even all six) but I make myself go out anyhow and I'm always glad. There are still way too many days when I just can't go and I don't like that, but at least there are more on days than off.
I think I'm maintaining my intelligence, which is also a good thing. Except on really REALLY bad days I seem to be capable of rational thought and critical thinking, even at the same time. Sure, on bad days I drool into my cereal bowl and grunt like Neanderthal Man after a bender, but those days are only once or twice a month.
My strength is back to where I was before and now I'm going to get even strongerer! Huzzah! I haven't missed teaching a bootcamp class in awhile (although we're on hiatus right now). I find that most of the time I can get out and get relief, even when the head is bad going in. That has helped me to firm up, and feel better about myself.
Unfortunately it's not all good news. I don't think I've seen any improvement this last year at all. I'm beginning to worry that this is it. This is life. I get to carry around a humming head full of pain forever. My tinnitus has grown worse, although I find that if I ignore it it doesn't bother me that much. It sounds, though, like a loud frequency hum from an old, failing TV set (currently) living in my right ear. It moves. Sometimes the TV set lives in my right ear, sometimes in my left. Blessedly there is only one set, so so far, not in both ears.
I got a new app that allows me to do a diary of my headache and it tracks the weather. I can see a direct correlation with changing barometric pressure and pain. It tends to hurt more when it drops and the bigger the drop, the bigger the hurt.
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| Don't hate me because I'm beautiful... |
I have tried a few things out of open mindedness and desperation. I've tried a Cefaly Device.
This hot little number sent electrical impulses into the trigeminal nerve and disrupt the pain signals. I wore it for an hour every day and it was painful (and according to this picture, sucking the life out of me because I look old here). While it was a highly attractive accessory piece, it did not work. Sad. I sent it back and am waiting for my $300 or so back.
I'm currently trying acupuncture and it's, so far, not working beyond when I'm on the table. Wait, I take that back. Last night I had some relief for the entire night. Today I'm in a lot of pain again (whoopee) but that was nice! It does give me a little hope. I am not anti-acupuncture because it helped my neck and I really like Joe, the doctor but so far I don't know if it's helping as much as I hoped it would.
Let's face it, I want 100%, permanent relief.
I'm also trying chronic in a good way. I haven't found anything that seems to work for much other than making me say "Oh yeah. I have pain, but it's over there." In other word, it kind of diverts my attention from the pain to some extent. I use it only when it's really bad. A friend brought me some pills from a coop in West Seattle that I haven't been to, and they seem to help more than anything else, but they do make me super tired. Nothing, so far, I can use on a daily basis.
So there we are. State of the Noggin. It's still there. I am still in pain 24/7 most of the time except when I run and sometimes I get relief. Yay. Then the relief fades, boo.
What are my goals and plans for 2015? Well...I can't keep going on the way I'm going. We talked about me going on disability but I decided I'm not ready for that. I think next school year I will see if I can change my schedule and teach half time. I can't teach full time any more. It's just way too hard to do this with the constant pain. I need more rest, more consistent exercise (which is prescribed for the pain and I never do if it makes it worse), and the ability to stop and lie down when I get dizzy. I hate that I have to do that, but I have to do that. Dammit I hate that I even have to write that. It makes me feel feeble and weak and angry that I am feeble and week. I blacked out today, though, and fell at work. Fortunately it was in my office, into a chair, and it was momentary. I sat there and looked like I was thinking until I was able to get up. FUCK FUCK FUCK I hate that!
But maybe if I'm not doing so much with my brain it can heal. Or maybe it won't, but maybe at least I can have some time every day to do things for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying "I want time to play every day so I don't want to have to work." I mean, yeah that would be cool. But every day I come home and just want to go straight to bed and I don't want that any more. I still do bootcamp at night two nights a week but I have to take a nap most afternoons. I HAVE TO TAKE A NAP! Then when I go it's a struggle to get there and usually I go home and pass out and don't move the rest of the night.
I feel like I'm rationalizing, and I am. I've always worked 50-60 hours a week and now I want to work only 20-40 and I feel guilty. I won't bring in as much money, I will be home and probably won't do as much as home as I feel I should. I just don't know what the right answer is.
Sometimes it's just so overwhelming.
Monday, July 1, 2013
Training with Pain
I am slowly coming to accept/fear/realize that I might be living with chronic pain for the rest of my life. I wish I could clearly communicate how much this has changed my life. I know chronic pain changes EVERY life, but of course I only have my life.
It's summer and my usual summer routine for the past 9 years or so has been; get up early and go for a run or teach a bootcamp, then go for a run. Eat breakfast and then saddle up the bike and ride 25 miles to go see a movie and have lunch. Later in the afternoon we might kayak for an hour or so, or I'll meet someone for a second run. Two or three mornings a week I'd head to the lake before the crowds and swim a mile. That was my life. I loved that life! LOVED it! We lived and laughed and I just felt so free. Why? Because for many years prior to me getting my life together in 2002, I was obese and those things were only dreams.
Now I get up to head to bootcamp because when I planned my summer schedule, I thought I'd be rid of the headaches. I sit in the parking lot praying that no one shows on a day with a bad headache. If they don't I go home and either go back to bed, or go for a run if the head isn't bad. If I go back to bed I spend the day beating myself up for not going out. It isn't a lack of desire, it's that exhausting round of "How bad is my head? If I run, it's going to hurt more. Well what do I have to do today? Can I do the run and then chill and let the pain subside? It doesn't mean we don't kayak or bike, but it's one or the other, not both.
I think that because people see me doing things like teaching bootcamp and training fitness clients, they think it must not be that bad. I worry they think I'm 'whining' about it when I'm not. I am truly trying to hold my shit together long enough so that I can just get through the hour. Today I trained a client and had to stop my own demonstrations a few times to "monitor" but what was really happening is that so much pain was getting in the way of what I was doing, it was stop or fall down.
Today was a very rare summer evening session where no one showed up, and I hate to say I was glad, but I was. I got new glasses this morning and they took my headache from a "about what I deal with daily 4-5 level" to 11. It was so bad that I was in the garden store and I kept having to stop to keep from throwing up. Now that is NOT like me. It finally hit me that it might be the new glasses, and when I swapped them out it went down from 11 to about 7 which is better, but still is just craptastic. The rest of the day was just a cloud of pain.
I worry if I accept that this is it that I will either fall into a depression or I will stop trying. I know that I have the ability to make that choice, but I worry that if I say "Okay, this is it..." that I will let it define me. Until my brain bled, I was someone who was often called the Energizer Bunny. If you asked someone about me, they'd laugh and say I was crazy! I'd run marathons for fun, and my goals kept getting bigger every year. People who don't work out would accuse me of having "exercise bulimia" because they could not wrap their brains around someone who loves playing outside more than a 7 year old with a new bike. If I accept that chronic pain is going to be a part of my life, does that re-define me? I want to be known as the crazy, motivating coach who treats everyone like rock stars and makes them think they can do amazing things!
I just don't know. It's like there is no handbook for how to handle life when it changes dramatically in some fashion, but it is not something others can see. If I had an amputation, or a wasting disease, people would know and maybe I'd be able to see it and accept the difference. Now I look in the mirror and I see the same old me I've always seen with a tiny bit more muffin top than I'd like. But the inside isn't that person any more. The inside is scared and unsure and stops to think "Can I commit to doing that? What if my head is over the top that day?"
So I did a workout today but I didn't run and it's really bothering me, but the idea of getting my noggin a bouncin' up and down makes me nauseous. I want to go to bed, but I don't want to give into it and let the pain tell me how to live my life.
Okay, maybe I'm not to acceptance quite yet...
It's summer and my usual summer routine for the past 9 years or so has been; get up early and go for a run or teach a bootcamp, then go for a run. Eat breakfast and then saddle up the bike and ride 25 miles to go see a movie and have lunch. Later in the afternoon we might kayak for an hour or so, or I'll meet someone for a second run. Two or three mornings a week I'd head to the lake before the crowds and swim a mile. That was my life. I loved that life! LOVED it! We lived and laughed and I just felt so free. Why? Because for many years prior to me getting my life together in 2002, I was obese and those things were only dreams.
Now I get up to head to bootcamp because when I planned my summer schedule, I thought I'd be rid of the headaches. I sit in the parking lot praying that no one shows on a day with a bad headache. If they don't I go home and either go back to bed, or go for a run if the head isn't bad. If I go back to bed I spend the day beating myself up for not going out. It isn't a lack of desire, it's that exhausting round of "How bad is my head? If I run, it's going to hurt more. Well what do I have to do today? Can I do the run and then chill and let the pain subside? It doesn't mean we don't kayak or bike, but it's one or the other, not both.
I think that because people see me doing things like teaching bootcamp and training fitness clients, they think it must not be that bad. I worry they think I'm 'whining' about it when I'm not. I am truly trying to hold my shit together long enough so that I can just get through the hour. Today I trained a client and had to stop my own demonstrations a few times to "monitor" but what was really happening is that so much pain was getting in the way of what I was doing, it was stop or fall down.
Today was a very rare summer evening session where no one showed up, and I hate to say I was glad, but I was. I got new glasses this morning and they took my headache from a "about what I deal with daily 4-5 level" to 11. It was so bad that I was in the garden store and I kept having to stop to keep from throwing up. Now that is NOT like me. It finally hit me that it might be the new glasses, and when I swapped them out it went down from 11 to about 7 which is better, but still is just craptastic. The rest of the day was just a cloud of pain.
I worry if I accept that this is it that I will either fall into a depression or I will stop trying. I know that I have the ability to make that choice, but I worry that if I say "Okay, this is it..." that I will let it define me. Until my brain bled, I was someone who was often called the Energizer Bunny. If you asked someone about me, they'd laugh and say I was crazy! I'd run marathons for fun, and my goals kept getting bigger every year. People who don't work out would accuse me of having "exercise bulimia" because they could not wrap their brains around someone who loves playing outside more than a 7 year old with a new bike. If I accept that chronic pain is going to be a part of my life, does that re-define me? I want to be known as the crazy, motivating coach who treats everyone like rock stars and makes them think they can do amazing things!
I just don't know. It's like there is no handbook for how to handle life when it changes dramatically in some fashion, but it is not something others can see. If I had an amputation, or a wasting disease, people would know and maybe I'd be able to see it and accept the difference. Now I look in the mirror and I see the same old me I've always seen with a tiny bit more muffin top than I'd like. But the inside isn't that person any more. The inside is scared and unsure and stops to think "Can I commit to doing that? What if my head is over the top that day?"
So I did a workout today but I didn't run and it's really bothering me, but the idea of getting my noggin a bouncin' up and down makes me nauseous. I want to go to bed, but I don't want to give into it and let the pain tell me how to live my life.
Okay, maybe I'm not to acceptance quite yet...
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Started out as a good day, but...
...then about 10 a.m. I got a searing headache in the back of my head. I was helping a student and wanted to just sit down and close my eyes. Hate when they come on like that. I miss the old me. Yesterday I got home, did some housework, had dinner, and then went to bed. No run. No time with my husband. Just bed. I wish my neurologist would understand that these aren't just "Ow I have a headache" headaches. I don't know if I minimize it. He just doesn't seem to get that I need some relief and not just pre-treatments that don't work (Amitriptyline). Sure on good days when the headache is light, I get a lot done, I go for runs, I teach bootcamp classes. That makes it seem like "Well it's not too bad if she can do that, right?" The truth is, too many days I am in bed all day. I've missed so much work that now I pay for every day I'm out (no more sick leave so I have to pay my own benefits and receive no pay on days I'm out). I'm just trying to make it through the last day of school with no more days off, so Roy drives me some days. Unfortunately today I didn't feel too bad, so I didn't have him drive me. :(
I am not this person who whines, cancels plans, feels "sick", talks about medications and treatments. I have specifically worked HARD to ensure that my body does not sustain damage due to poor diet and lack of exercise. I am all about being proactive and taking control of my health, but I can't do that any more...at least not right now.
Some days I think "Surely this will end at some point, right?" After all, prior to the subarachnoid hemorrhage I had next to NO headaches. I was rarely ever sick. If I took sick leave it was most likely a personal day. Then on January 28 that all changed. The neurosurgeon said the headaches would go away within 4-6 weeks. Then when I was passed on to a neurologist because the neurosurgeon does not specialize in non-surgical treatments he kept saying "I still think they're just going to go away."
He isn't saying that any more.
It's just so damned frustrating. What if this is my life? I feel like "Well, then you need to learn to live with it and move forward" but damn it all to hell I do not WANT to learn to live with it! It is not fair that I had a brain hemorrhage. I did everything right. I am willing to work hard and to put the time and energy into resolving this. It is just maddening for this control-freak not to have any control.
Thursday, May 16, 2013
I Want Normal Back
On May 2 I had botox treatments to help with the headaches and this week I thought it was working. I can't tell you how exciting that was. I knew it was not going to take all the headaches away, but the hope was that it was going to mean the intensity was a lot worse.
Monday we had one of those "If you don't like the weather, wait 30 seconds and it will change" days. We had wind storms, hail, torrential downpours, sun, thunder, lightning. Normally a day like that would send me through the roof, but it didn't. I had a headache, but it wasn't horrible and in fact I came home and ran, I taught bootcamp...just a great day.
Then Tuesday another great day. Hardly any headache. I felt SO good. I had dinner with friends, went home and took the dogs on a HARD run, just was on top of the world. Wednesday morning I actually said out loud, "I think it might be working!" Eek! So happy!
But what goes up, must come down. I suffered through the last half of the day. I monitored bootcamp on pain meds, and held my 5k class. I came home and crashed.
Today is worse. I am so defeated. I just feel like I will never ever be normal again. I should be on top of the world. We have tickets to the SIFF and the world premiere of Much Ado About Nothing. We will be watching Nathan Fillion and Joss Whedon walk the carpet. I have been so excited about this, but all I want to do is head to the ER and get a shot to make the pain go away. It Hurts So Bad.
Wow...I'm listening to a TV show on my iPad and a lady just said, "I want normal back."
You said it, sister. I want normal back.
Monday we had one of those "If you don't like the weather, wait 30 seconds and it will change" days. We had wind storms, hail, torrential downpours, sun, thunder, lightning. Normally a day like that would send me through the roof, but it didn't. I had a headache, but it wasn't horrible and in fact I came home and ran, I taught bootcamp...just a great day.
Then Tuesday another great day. Hardly any headache. I felt SO good. I had dinner with friends, went home and took the dogs on a HARD run, just was on top of the world. Wednesday morning I actually said out loud, "I think it might be working!" Eek! So happy!
But what goes up, must come down. I suffered through the last half of the day. I monitored bootcamp on pain meds, and held my 5k class. I came home and crashed.
Today is worse. I am so defeated. I just feel like I will never ever be normal again. I should be on top of the world. We have tickets to the SIFF and the world premiere of Much Ado About Nothing. We will be watching Nathan Fillion and Joss Whedon walk the carpet. I have been so excited about this, but all I want to do is head to the ER and get a shot to make the pain go away. It Hurts So Bad.
Wow...I'm listening to a TV show on my iPad and a lady just said, "I want normal back."
You said it, sister. I want normal back.
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