Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Ten Days to Relief! (ihope)

It's April 11! I can't believe it's April 11! On April 21 I get to have my first SPG High Frequency Block. For some reason I always think of a radio when I type that...like they're going to implant a radio in my brain.

Frankly, I don't know what I'm typing. I have such a bad head right now. I can hardly stand it. Ondedesteron is on board but hasn't done anything yet and I just want to die. I hope this procedure works because if it doesn't I just don't know what to do.

Why can't I just accept this is my life now and move forward? I have a Facebook friend named Rico who had an aneurysm 13 years ago. He has headaches all day every day too and he's the most pleasant man I know. Not that I'm not a nice person, but he seems like he's accepted his life and I just can't.

I was seeing a therapist for awhile and that really helped, but she moved into a different situation. If the treatment doesn't work, I'll seek out another therapist.

I'm afraid the procedure won't work. I'm also afraid it will work. I want it to work. I really do, but it will change my life in a really good way and that scares me because then I have to remember how I lived before. That's super exciting, but scary at the same time.

But I'm really afraid if I get my hopes up and it doesn't work...even typing this makes me get a huge lump in my throat, I will be devastated. If it doesn't work, I don't think there's another option and then I will be the one saying "I've been living with this pain for 13 years".

If I make it that long...and this is where I say it isn't a cry for help, and it isn't right this minute, but I don't know how I'll handle facing a lifetime of this pain. It's just been so bad lately...so constant and unrelenting.

No comments:

Post a Comment