I did it...

I told my boss I don’t think I’ll be able to work full time after this school year. She is supposed to get to HR and let me know how it works. I’m requesting half time leave of absence so I can return to my job full time if needed. I feel relieved  and sad and nervous all at the same time.

It’s a horrible head day today. The weather changed from wonderful clear cold weather to rain. Oh well. I have a party with friends tonight that I’ve been looking forward to. I had to leave work to come home early and I’ve mostly slept all afternoon. I wanted to grade papers and do stuff for the party, but it hasn’t happened. I always feel like I’m being judged when I leave early and maybe I am, but my goal for today was to not let my overactive imagination overtake my logic. Logically, I left work because my headache was a level 8 when I was moving. It would go down to a 6 if I stayed still, but it didn’t stay there. That’s not reasonable and means I have to leave. It’s crazy what we do when we have pain. I knew it was going to be bad when I got up this morning, but I wanted to tell my kids about the new Star Wars movie, and next week starts Winter break, I wanted to discuss Net Neutrality, and I thought I could get through it.

Best laid plans of mice and women, I guess!

Worried about MCM

So excited! I booked us an AirBNB for MCM!! It’s right in the heart of DC. I was reading the course map and can’t wait!!!

But at the same time, I am super worried. I haven’t run a long run since last month...well a few weeks ago and that was 13 miles. All due to these IBS like symptoms. I just got in from running eight miles. We are a month out from this marathon and I am not ready! I haven’t been this undertrained for a marathon ever.

I don’t know how to fuel because right now I’m still on the low FODMAP diet. I don’ t know how to carbo load because right now I’m eating like I’m anorexic, and I’m not trying to be funny. Because I’ve had such a bad reaction to food the last three months every time I eat, I am afraid to eat so I find I will make food and then not eat it. Or I’ll eat just 1/4 of it because I’m afraid too much will cause issues.

I’m excited to go to DC, but what will I eat there? I know this is what all people who deal with this go through at first, and I will get it sorted out, but it sure does cause initial anxiety!  As if the brain pain wasn’t bad enough!

On a good note, I did just have a pretty good eight mile run. I used some of the gummy bears I made. I took two pieces before I left and right now I have no stomach upset, just a gnawing (which I think is the typical munchies). These are made with GG#4 clarified budder (so fanceeeeeee). No psychoactive properties at all, and about 30 minutes in a I felt good. I’ll take them earlier next week.

So hey, that kind of makes me feel a little better about MCM! Maybe I’ll try a 15-16 miler tomorrow!